


All of Me, Loves All of You

by Apieceofurmind



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexual Steve Rogers, Breaking Up & Making Up, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Gay Bucky Barnes, Jealous Steve Rogers, M/M, Misunderstandings, Morgan Stark owns my heart, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Teacher Steve Rogers, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, Tony Stark is Good With Kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-05-07 06:11:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19203505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Apieceofurmind/pseuds/Apieceofurmind
Summary: When Steve leaves Bucky one night, he's not expecting to see him ever again. But fate has other plans, as it reunites the two six years later. But Bucky's picking up a kid from preschool and Steve is her teacher...





	All of Me, Loves All of You

**Author's Note:**

> Happy pride month guys... I know it's a little late but I wanted to do write something for pride month and this idea has been bouncing around my head forever. 
> 
> I am not ace and the doubts and self consciousness that Steve goes through in the story are based on some posts I read online. I apologise for any inaccuracies and I may have taken a few liberties...
> 
>  
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy it

_Steve squeezed his eyes shut and willed his body to relax. He could see black spots behind his eyes with the way he had his eyes shut hard and he knew the uncontrollable shaking of his body had nothing to do with the sinful way Bucky was moving above him. He could feel tears escape his eyes as he tried to breathe properly and it wasn't long before he felt himself starting to panic._

_"Buck…I can't. I thought I could with you, but I can't. I'm so sorry, so sorry." he sobbed and sat upright, throwing Bucky off him onto the comforter, and sat up against the headboard. He bends his legs at his knees and rested his head on his knees, hugging them close to himself and trying to hide in there._

_"Stevie, baby, what's wrong? Why are you crying, sweetheart? Did I hurt you? Tell me, did I hurt you, Stevie?" Bucky asked and moved to sit next to Steve, his arm lightly resting on Steve's bicep, but not making any move to fully touch Steve._

_And Steve was thankful for that. He wasn't sure he could handle being touched right now._

_"No…no, you did nothing wrong. It's me, Buck, I…I can't…I don't know what's wrong with me…but I can't. I'm so sorry." He murmured pitifully and he heard Bucky frown in return. The brunette rubbed little comforting circles on Steve's bicep and used his other hand to gently card his hair through his fingers._

_"Stevie, tell me what is it you can't. I won't know unless you talk to me, sweetheart. Tell me what's bothering you, what's hurting you?"_

_At the soft tone of Bucky's voice, Steve raised his head and let Bucky's hand fall from his hair. He looked into Bucky's soft grey eyes, a little sad and very worried, and felt himself on the verge of tears again._

_Bucky didn't deserve this; he didn't deserve to have to deal with Steve and his issues. Bucky, sweet, loving Bucky, who had taken one look at sickly, small Steve and decided he wanted to be his friend. Kind, amazing Bucky who at the age of six had become Steve's everything: friend, partner, bodyguard and life mate._

_It hadn't taken Steve any time at all to know that he loved Bucky. Newly 13, he had realised that wanting to hold Bucky the way he wanted to was not ‘normal' and it definitely wasn't ‘normal' to not feel so for the girls in his class._

_But here he was at 23, shirtless and tear streaked because he still couldn't bring himself to tell his best friend the one secret (the only secret) Steve had ever kept from him._

_But he braced himself, for rejection, for disgust, for laughter, and said what he had wanted to tell Bucky for so long._

_"I am asexual. I don't feel sexual attraction. I thought I would with you…but I can't, Bucky. I'm so sorry."_

_"What are you apologising for, Stevie?" Bucky asked softly, his eyes trained on Steve's and his lips slightly upturned in a soft smile. Steve tilted his head to the side, wondering if Bucky had not heard him, perhaps misheard him, because after what Steve had said he didn't deserve such a fond expression, such a beautiful man._

_He deserved angry exclamations and a walkout._

_"For being the way I am. For not being able to do this with you. For…for being broken." He whispered and closed his eyes shut, unable to look at Bucky anymore._

_"Then I must apologise too. I'm sorry I'm gay. I'm sorry I have a scared shoulder. I am sorry for having long, hobo hair. I'm sorry for being broken." Bucky whispered back, sounding equally broken, tired and too heartbroken for Steve's liking._

_"You're not broken, Bucky. Don't you dare say that! Don't you dare talk about yourself like that! You're not broken because you are gay or have a few scars. You're who you are and you're perfect." Steve opened his eyes angrily and stated passionately and saw Bucky's expression go from platonic to fond again. He smiled at Steve and cupped the side of Steve's face, his face mere inches from Steve's and looked steadily into Steve's eyes._

_"You're who you are, Stevie, and who you are is perfect. You're not broken for not wanting sex. You're ace. That's who you are just like I am gay and if that doesn't make me broken, then it doesn't make you broken either. You're perfect, Stevie, and I am in love with you. I love everything and anything about you." He rubbed his thumb against Steve's cheekbones and gave him a dazzling smile. He waited for Steve to say something, anything, but Steve was stuck in a loop; an endless loop in his head telling him that Bucky loved him, loved him, loved him._

_"You love me?" he asked in a daze and saw Bucky's lips split in a dazzling smile._

_He wanted to grin in return, smile, throw himself at Bucky, but he did none of that. Years of self-hatred spoke instead and they told him it couldn't be. Perfect, beautiful, alluring Bucky, who could have anybody in the world wouldn't want Steve, especially when he couldn't even give him the simplest pleasure. Bucky was making a mistake by falling for Steve._

_"Of course, I do, sweetheart. With every inch of me. There's nothing wrong with you, Stevie, and I want you to believe me when I say that. You should never have to apologise to me for not wanting to have sex. Hell, you shouldn't apologise to anybody. You are you and I'm so in love with you."_

_The self-hatred spoke again as the word love came up again and this time Steve couldn't confine it to just his head._

_"You'll get bored with me soon enough, Buck, they all do. There will never be anything beyond kissing and cuddling and I need you to know that. This is not a phase, Buck, you'll be stuck in a relationship with no sex ever. Do not go into this thinking you can change me, you can't." he implored Bucky but Bucky didn't move away. His eyes fell sad but his lips still maintained their scared optimism. He looked out to the side, gave himself a second to breathe and then turned back to meet Steve's eyes again._

_"Do you love me, Steve?" he questioned softly and Steve scoffed at the question. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, years he had spent loving Bucky and Bucky had the nerve to question it!_

_"I do, Buck, of course, I do."_

_"And that's all I want, sweetheart. I don't want a relationship with a lot of sex, I want a relationship with love. Sex is all good and shit, Steve, but it will never compare to the smile on your face when you see Lucky, it will never compare to the adorable squinty face you make when you wake up in the morning, it will never compare to the sound of you giggling. I don't need anything else, Stevie, just you, me and cuddles. If you're offering."_

_Just you…_

_God! Steve had heard this so many times, from different tones, different accents, from different voices. He had heard all variants of this too: "Not in it for your body", "you're more than just sex", "I like you as you are". Different auditory experiences aside, they all had ended up being the same. They either claimed they thought Steve wasn't serious about them, complained that their needs weren't being met, or asked Steve if they could have sex with other people and still date Steve. They all hurt in their own ways, but Steve was certain that if Bucky said any of that, it would hurt on a whole other level._

_It would quite literally break Steve's heart._

_"That's not what they all said. They said I was broken, Buck, and I probably am. Who doesn't like sex? Which guy doesn't want to fuck?" he spat out bitterly and saw sympathy break out over Bucky's face. It was an emotion he hated, it had always made him feel small and pathetic, and on Bucky's face, it made him all the angrier. He turned his head away from the brunet, let go of his legs so he could sit on the edge of the bed and waited for Bucky to say something._

_"Oh, babydoll, what happened to you? Who said such hateful things to you? Who let you believe there was something wrong with you?" Bucky asked after a while, his voice velvety soft and cracking on every other word, as he leaned close to Steve and placed an arm gently across his shoulders._

_And Steve leaned into his touch and closed his eyes._

_Memories of some horrible men flashed inside his eyelids as soon as the question registered in his mind. People who argued he was just vying for attention, men who claimed he just hadn't been fucked right, women who said that it was impossible for a man to not like sex. He closed his eyes as he remembered their hateful words and concentrated on Bucky's hand on his shoulder; the quiet support, solid warmth of comfort and companionship._

_"Every former partner. Rumlow, Pierce, every one of them," he admitted after a while and felt Bucky stiffen next to him._

_"You're perfect, Stevie, nothing wrong with you. In fact, if there's something wrong, it's that you let them convince you there was something wrong, you let them make you feel broken. You're wonderful, Stevie, and you should be proud of yourself. Nothing's broken, baby and that means there's nothing to fix." He soothed gently and squeezed Steve's shoulder softly as he let go._

_Steve turned around to face him and gave him a small smile, face wet and eyes red, but gratitude on his lips._

_"Thank you, Buck, thank you so much. "he leaned forward and hugged Bucky, buried his face in Bucky's neck and inhaled shakily. After all these years of horrible men and women, maybe Steve had finally found his one. He trusted Bucky; he knew Bucky would be there for him._

_He knew Bucky would never get tired of him…_

_"I love you, sweetheart, till the end of the line," Bucky whispered softly, placing a soft kiss to Steve's lips and holding him tighter than before. Steve snuggled into Bucky's hold and let himself be held, let himself be kept safe from horrible memories and terrible people._

_"I love you too, Buck, love you so much." He whispered wetly into Bucky's shoulder and he heard Bucky laugh softly. The brunette rocked them both gently and gently ran his hands through Steve's hair, making Steve sigh and melt into him further._

_"And you know I'm gonna kick their asses, right? And I'm also going to tell Nat. Rumlow's gonna taste dust if he's lucky and his own teeth and blood if I'm lucky," he said after a while, his voice betraying a smile but Steve knew he meant it. He lifted his head off Bucky's shoulder and gave him a mischievous smile, one that had Bucky raising his eyebrow playfully._

_"I would say there is no need, but fuck that guy. And I'm coming with you guys, he's a bully and- "_

_"You don't like bullies. I know, sweetheart, I know." he leaned forward and gave Steve a kiss on the forehead and just like that Steve knew this was it. He had found the one._

 

(*)

To say it was a beautiful day would be a cliché and to say it was a perfect day to spend outdoors would be more cliché, but Steve couldn't find other words to describe it. The sun was hidden away behind some trees, the sky was blue and clear, not a single cloud in sight, and a soft, cool breeze blew around them. At the park, kids played on the swings and the slides, adults sat around, some on the benches and some on the ground and Lucky ran around chasing his big, blue ball.

 

Steve clapped in delight as the dog, who was Clint's but only in name with the amount of time Steve stole him away, leaped in the air and caught the ball. He turned to Bucky in excitement and gestured towards the canine with both hands.

 

"Look at Lucky go, he's such a good boy."

 

"Hmm…" Bucky turned to him for a second, smiled at him and gave a non-committal hum. Steve turned towards his fiancé and raised an eyebrow inquisitively.

 

"Buck, are you paying attention?" he asked faux sweetly, his look making it very clear that Bucky's lack of attention wasn't appreciated. Bucky smiled apologetically at him and rubbed the back of his neck, a nervous habit that Steve absolutely adored.

 

"Sorry, Stevie, but I was distracted by that game over there. Look at how cute those two boys are. Remind you of us, don't they?" the brunette grinned and Steve smiled indulgently at him.

 

"Yeah, they do. And that's the only reason you're so engrossed in their game?"

 

"Uhm, no? Now that we're getting married, I keep thinking about our family, you know? Our own kids and our own dog. A boy and a girl maybe, or three kids. We'll adopt for sure, too many children out there in the system, struggling and living a horrible life. If we can do something to help them, we should. We could give them a better life, don't you think?" he looked hopefully at Steve and the blonde froze.

 

He looked down at the ring on his finger and scrambled for an answer. The glinting platinum band reflected and shimmered in the sun and Steve suddenly felt the weight of it on his finger. Not just the weight of the band, but that of the responsibilities it came with, the expectations. He swallowed nervously and looked back at the children: a scrawny blonde and an equally skin tiny brunette making sandcastles, and sighed.

 

The face of his mom flashed before him and he turned towards Bucky immediately.  

 

"We've never talked about kids, Buck. Where's this suddenly coming from?"

 

"I don't know. It's like I said, our wedding is near and I can't wait to start a family with you, Stevie. Our own little bunnies running around. Wouldn't it be so cute?" Bucky asked him with a smile and intertwined his hands with Steve's. He gave Steve's fingers a small squeeze and Steve fought back the bile rising in his throat.

 

"I don't want kids." He blurted out and felt Bucky stiffen next to him. He refused to meet the brunette's eye and kept his gaze focussed on the park and its people.

 

"What?"

 

"I don't want to have kids, I never have. We never talked about them, so I thought you also didn't want them. I'm sorry, Buck, but I don't see kids in my future." He answered immediately but still couldn't bring himself to look at the brunette. He could feel Bucky's unwavering gaze on the side of his face but he knew he wouldn't be able to get it out if he met those steel-blue eyes.

 

"Not even in the distant future? We don't need to have them now, maybe a few years down the line? Would you be open to that? Will you at least consider thinking about it?" Bucky asked in a hoarse whisper, his eyes open in shock and Steve finally met his gaze. He shook his head softly and dropped his own voice to a whisper.

 

"Not now, not in the distant future, Buck. I'm so sorry, I would've told you sooner, but it never came up and I thought we were on the same page about it. I'm so sorry, Buck, did I…are we okay?" he dreaded the answer to that question, but he needed to know. Decisions like these could make or break a relationship and Steve knew that all too well. He kept his eyes on Bucky but his mind wandered elsewhere.

 

His father, his mother, some loud nights…

 

He couldn't have that, didn't want that to happen to them. But at that moment, he wasn't sure there was any more 'them'. Maybe he had driven Bucky away forever…

 

"Of course, we are okay, Stevie. There's nothing in this world that I would choose over you. I love you, more than anything else in the world and a couple of kids are not going to change that."  The brunette answered immediately and wrapped his hands around the blonde. Steve smiled in relief and threw his own hands around Bucky, his fear sated and heart singing.

 

"I love you too, Buck. Thank you for understanding." Bucky nodded as they separated and that's when Steve notices his crestfallen expression. The Bucky who had been watching kids play with a smile was gone and who came instead had a melancholy expression and wistful glances.

 

Steve knew his stand had taken away that smile, but he couldn't change the way he thought. He watched Bucky sit there for some more time, then they both left hand in hand, Bucky's smile still nowhere to be found.

 

He reassured Steve that he was okay, that he was content with not having kids but his eyes always gave him away. They cooked dinner like they always did, ate together like they always did, joked around like they always did. But any time there was a lull in the conversation, Bucky would go in a trance-like state where his eyes would cloud in sadness and his lips would drop in gloom.

 

That night Steve couldn't fall asleep. He knew he was the one who had taken Bucky's smile from him. He had made Bucky make compromise after compromise and it wasn't fair. He thought long and hard and finally came to a decision. As the clock struck 12, Steve left the bedroom and grabbed a post-it note from his art studio. He scribbled a note for Bucky and packed up his belongings in silence.

 

As he stood in front of their door, he couldn't help but shed tears.  But it is for Bucky, he reminded himself, so that Bucky can have a life with no compromises. He turned to look at their apartment again and with a final kiss to Bucky's forehead and a longing look at his chain around Bucky's neck, he was out that door.

 

To anybody, it would look like Steve left with very few of his belongings, but Steve knew that the only thing that actually was truly his, was the cloud of gloom that hung over Bucky… 

 

_"I am sorry, Buck._

_Goodbye._

_-Steve"_

 

(*)

**_6 years later_ **

Steve looked around at the little kids. They were all eager to leave school and get home and Steve didn't blame them. He himself was ready to get away from his work and go back to his apartment and crash in front of his television. He looked around at the brightly painted walls, expensive books, toys and other goodies that were kept for the kids' fun alone, and sighed forlornly.

 

He was a long way from DC and he wasn't sure being a preschool teacher was what he had left home for. But his hours were good enough to give him ample time to paint and the pay was high at the most prestigious preschool in New York. He had ample money and time to spend doing whatever he wanted and yet something was missing.

 

He had stopped asking himself what it was when the answer had always been the same.

 

"Okay, let's pack our bags and put everything away in its place. We don't want to give Ms. Betsy more work, do we?" he asked out loud and the children immediately started packing their bags, putting away things in their places and putting books back on the shelves.

 

"No, Mr. Rogers." he smiled as the kids chorused back and started helping them with their things. Steve preferred doing it himself, but the last PTA meeting had made it clear that kids should be taught to be self-sufficient and the teachers were not to spoon feed them.

 

 

After everything was put back in its place and it was time to go, he herded the kids out and stood with them at the door. He kept counting them again and again, his biggest fear is losing one of them and it was during his third recounting that Ms. Carter came to call her kid.

 

Steve liked Peggy Carter, her razor fast wit and her indifference to what people thought of her. He had been shocked to hear some horrible whispers at his first PTA when Ms. Carter had walked in with her wife Ms. Angie Martinelli but they both had quickly shut down the haters with some choice words and Steve had been so floored by their fierceness that he spent the rest of the meeting fangirling. He's not even the least bit ashamed.

 

He smiled at her and then at her daughter Rose before shaking her hand.

 

"She's a good kid, Ms. Carter, you don't need to worry about her. She's more mature than kids her age, but it's not a bad thing at all. It just means she's probably going to reach great heights someday." He told the government worker and she shook her head softly with a smile.

 

"You're too kind, Mr. Rogers. I'll take your leave now. Rose, say bye to Mr. Rogers."

 

"Bye, Mr. Rogers," Rose spoke in a serious tone and Steve smiled at the kid. She was just like Steve had said, a little mature for her age but Steve knew it was more out of sophistication and nothing else. He really had high hope for the kid.

 

"Bye, Rose. See you tomorrow."

 

He was hardly finished waving to Rose when Morgan took off running from her place and towards a tall man in a black shirt with matching black pants. Steve totally panicked at the sight of the little child running away that he flew out behind her and reached them just in time to see Morgan throw her arms around the man's legs.

 

"Bucky, Bucky, Bucky." She chanted and Steve was too strung up to hear her.

 

"Morgan, please don't run. Wait for me, Morgan." He skidded to a stop near the pair and watched them with growing apprehension. He couldn't believe Morgan, one of his better-behaved students, would run away like that.

 

The man kneeled down to talk to her and Steve noticed his wavy dark brown hair and internally panicked some more because that was not Tony Stark. He'd seen Tony Stark with his artfully styled salt and pepper look and this was not it. It was, from the looks of it, an absolute stranger and his student was clinging to him. 

 

Steve was so going to get fired.

 

 "Hey, sweetheart, you have a good day?" the man asked in a rumbling voice and Steve immediately butted in and spoke aloud to get the man's attention. 

 

"I'm sorry, I don't think we've met. I'm Steve Rogers, Morgan's teacher." He offered a hand to shake even before the stranger lifted his head and they both froze as their eyes met.

 

It couldn't be. Not after six torturous years and equally as many sleepless nights. Not here at the preschool, in New York. Steve had dreamt of this for years but it wasn't supposed to go down like this, not with Bucky coming to pick up a kid from his preschool.

 

He still looked so good…

 

A mirage; the illusion of water to a dying man.

 

And Steve drank him up. Had to before he disappeared and left Steve with just the sight of blue lips, red lips and dark brown hair that no longer came down till the shoulders. 

 

"This is Bucky. Bucky, this is Mr. Rogers. Shake his hand, it's not polite to stare." Morgan shook Bucky and he seemed to snap out of his daze. He shook his head to centre himself but didn't offer Steve a hand to shake.

 

"Nice to meet you. Morgan and I will be on our way." He nodded at Steve and bend down to pick up Morgan. As soon as she settled on his hip, Bucky started walking away like Steve was a stranger, a mere teacher, just another person on the street.

 

He didn't show any signs of familiarity, of the bond they had once shared, of who they had been to each other. He just turned and walked away, with a kid on his hip and no Steve by his side. 

 

"Bucky…" Steve whispered reverently but the call went unheard and unanswered by the brunette. He continued to walk away and take Steve's heart with him.

 

"Bye, Mr. Rogers," Morgan called out to him as they neared a black SUV and Steve saw Bucky seat Morgan into her seat and peck her forehead fondly.

 

The action was so familiar, a dream Steve had woken up from long ago and it hurt every fibre of Steve's being to just witness it but not experience it.

 

"Bucky..." he whispered one more time, to remind himself that he had seen him, that he had been close to his love again, to remind himself that he had just seen Bucky still wear his chain around his neck…

 

 (*)

 

The next day passed in a blur for Steve. He kept thinking of ways to talk to Morgan and so far, he had accomplished nothing. He watched the kids colouring in their books and decided this was a good time as any to talk to the three-year-old on the first bench.

 

"Let's try to keep our colours inside the lines okay? There's no hurry, so take your time and be careful."

 

"Yes, Mr. Rogers." the children chorused back and Steve smiled softly before kneeling down a little beside Morgan's table and dropping his voice a little.

 

"Hey, Morgan, may I ask you something?" he asked softly and the little girl immediately lifted her head from her books and looked at him with a small head tilt. 

 

"Yes, Mr. Rogers." Steve smiled at her and looked around quickly to see if the others were still working and upon finding that to his satisfaction, turned back to Morgan.

 

"Who is Bucky?" he asked her without any preamble and cursed himself for the lack of tact but Morgan seemed to have no such problem.

 

"Bucky is daddy's friend." She told him simply and picked up her crayon again. Steve didn't try to stop her but he still had questions so he continued to ask her and let her colour as she answered.

 

"Daddy's friend? Has your daddy known him for a long time?"

 

"Yeah. He comes home with daddy and cooks dinner while daddy helps me with my homework. Then we all eat dinner together and then daddy and Bucky tuck me in bed and read me stories." She drops the crayon as she talks and turns to Steve with a big gummy smile. Her eyes light up as she talks about her dad and Bucky and while jealousy smoulders in Steve's gut, he can't help but smile widely when he thinks of how Bucky's dreams seem to be coming true.

 

He got a kid. He got a guy who seems to love him. He got a family and he is happy.

 

And Steve's happy for him, he really is. This is why he left all those years ago and he is glad it paid off. Anything to keep Bucky happy, he reminds himself. 

 

"You seem to really like Bucky." He tells Morgan with a smile and she nods enthusiastically, her little pigtails swaying wildly with the movement.

 

"I do. He makes the best pancakes and daddy and I always tell him we love him so he'll make us more." She tells him with a little giggle and the image of Tony, Bucky, and Morgan sitting around table eating pancaked flashes in Steve's mind.

 

He swallows another bout of gut-wrenching jealousy and reminds himself to feel happy for Bucky. Bucky was happy and that was what Steve had left him all those years ago.

 

Now he had no right to get jealous about it.

 

"Thank you, Morgan, and your butterfly looks beautiful," Steve tells her honestly and stands up from beside her. He smiles at her one last time and she gives him a beaming smile in return.

 

"Thank you, Mr. Rogers."

 

He pats her head in pride and walks back to his desk. She's a good kid, Bucky's a good guy, and Tony's a great dad. They deserve each other. They deserve happiness. Bucky deserves happiness. Steve reminds himself, again and again, but it all falls flat when he thinks about his own lonely apartment and love and happiness, he lost six years ago.

 

He won't find peace till he apologises to Bucky, tells him how sorry he is, explains his own behaviour. And he will do it. He will.

 

(*)

Steve stands anxiously next to Morgan, tapping his fingers against his jeans and humming random tunes under his breath. Morgan stands calmly next to him, waving to the other kids who leave and swinging her arm to a rhythm only she can hear.

 

Steve needs to talk to Bucky, needs to see him when he comes to pick up Morgan. He's hoping for a chance to explain himself, just to make it clear why he left and he's been looking forward to it since yesterday. He can do this, he tells himself. He can tell Bucky the truth and hope Bucky forgives him. If nothing else he will wish Bucky all the best for his life ahead. 

 

But chain gives him hope and he's not going to lose it.

 

But Bucky doesn't come to pick up Morgan, Tony Stark does. Sporting shades that cost more than Steve's rent and clothes stylish enough to make models feel bad, Tony Stark struts the small way to the door where Steve stands with Morgan and immediately drops to his knees when he comes to stand in front of his daughter.

 

"Hey, baby. Did you miss me?" he asks her in a soft whisper and Steve sees her smile before she throws her little arms around him and pulls him into a hug. Tony drops his head on to his daughter's shoulder and holds her so gently it makes Steve's heart clench painfully.

 

"I did. Where's Bucky?" she asks her and Steve holds his breath waiting for the reply. He notices Tony's eyes flicker up to meet his before he answers and it makes Steve drop his gaze immediately.

 

"Bucky's at home making chocolate chip cookies for you. So, let's run home okay?" he asks and pulls back from the hug. He runs his hands through her hair, tucks it behind her ear and gives her a small kiss on the cheek.

 

"Yay, let's go." She answers and he immediately lifts her up to settle her on his hip, not giving a damn about his expensive clothes or the wrinkles on them. He starts walking away from Steve when the blonde calls him back.

 

"Mr. Stark, may I have a word?"

 

It is only after the words leave his mouth that he realises he has nothing to talk to Tony about. He can't ask Tony about Bucky; the guy would think Steve's some kind of creep who is trying to score his boyfriend. He gapes open mouthed at Tony as the man turns and meets his confident gaze with a slightly shaky one.

 

"Mr. Rogers, I don't know if you heard but my daughter and I have chocolate chip cookies waiting at home for us and we're in a hurry," Tony answers with an unamused smirk and it drains Steve's minimal confidence.

 

"I…never mind. I'll talk to you next time then. Bye, Morgan." He waves to the kid on Tony's hip and sighs in relief when Tony walks away without questioning Steve's sanity.

 

"Bye, Mr. Rogers," Morgan calls back and he watches as the Starks get into their car and drive away.

 

As soon as they are out of sight, Steve slumps down to the floor. He can't believe he did that, stopped The Tony Stark without any reason to do so except asking about Bucky, who may or not be Tony Stark's boyfriend, which would've ensured Steve's dismissal from the school and a restraining order against the whole family.

 

Though Stark was rude, Steve thanks his stars. He wanted to talk to Bucky and he would. But he wasn't going to do it through Tony or any other person. He wanted to talk to Bucky and Bucky alone.

 

(*)

"Pepper, sugar, paprika-" Steve read his list out loud as he scanned the aisles and shook his head when he realised, he was standing at the wrong one. He looked at the pulses since he was already there and then made his way onto the next one. He browsed the different brands offering spices and tried to remember what his mom had taught him about what each spice does and how much of it to buy for daily use.

 

That's when he hears it-him and it makes him turn his head and concentrate on that sound: the husky, Brooklyn drawl he has dreamed about for the past six years.

 

Bucky.

 

Steve would know that sound anywhere.

 

"I will if you don't tell daddy." He's telling someone and Steve furrows his brow as to who that could be. He moves towards the aisle across from his and tries to follow the sound.

 

"I promise. Will you buy me cake too for making the promise?" Morgan replies sweetly and Steve finds them in the dairy aisle, going through the ice cream fridges together. Bucky's holding on to a cart filled with weekly groceries while Morgan sits on top of it and swings her legs around.

 

"Oh, you're a sneaky girl. Daddy's gonna have to be careful with you." Bucky murmurs fondly and Steve's heart seizes in his chest.

 

Watching Bucky interact with Morgan gives him all kinds of feelings and he loves and hates it at the same time. He loves watching the smile spread on Bucky's face, loves the fondness in his gaze and the crinkles by his eyes. He loves watching Bucky stoop down to her eye level when she speaks and he loves the attention he lavishes on her. He loves how Bucky is with her and he loves who he is with her.

 

But he hates that too. He hates that she makes him so happy, hates the fondness in his eyes, the crinkles by his eye. He hates the way he is so attentive and caring and that he seems to love her so much. He hates it all because this is who Bucky is when he is with kids and this is who Steve tried to keep him from being. Bucky wanted kids, kids like Morgan whom he could care about, love and adore. But Steve didn't and Bucky was willing to sacrifice the for them, for Steve.

 

And Steve hates knowing that he was right to leave Bucky so that he could have this.

 

"Buck…" he calls out softly and watches both Morgan and Bucky lift their heads to look at him. Bucky's eyes narrow the moment they land on him and he drops the ice cream he was holding back into the fridge.

 

Steve takes a step towards them and notices with relief that Bucky doesn't move back, just narrows his eyes further.

 

"Hi, Mr. Rogers." Morgan waves cheerfully at him and smiles and Steve is powerless in the face of that cuteness to not do it back.

 

"Hi, Morgan. How are you?" he asks her politely even as his eyes keep flitting back to Bucky who watches him with growing discomfort.

 

"I'm good, Bucky's buying me ice cream and cake." She tells him gleefully and he sees Bucky smile and shake his head in exasperation.

 

"Hey! I thought we aren't telling anyone." He questions her in mock seriousness and she giggles at him from behind her hands. Her giggling makes both Steve and Bucky smile indulgently and she drops her hand.

 

"We're not telling daddy. But if you buy me candy…" she starts but Bucky cuts her off with a laugh.

 

"You're smart, definitely a Stark. I'm never taking you shopping again."

 

"But you love me." She pouts and Steve watches Bucky's face melt into the sweetest expression he has ever seen. He stares helplessly at Bucky's face, the sheer beauty of it pulling him in and forward and he huffs out a wonderstruck breath before he knows it.

 

"You seem happy, Buck." He whispers in a daze and it shatters Bucky out of his own smiley daze. He snaps his head up to look at Steve and his eyes narrow again as they settle upon the blonde's face.

 

"And do you have a problem with that, Mr. Rogers?" he asks snidely and Steve takes a cautious step forward, sparing a glance at Morgan who seems to be content going through her cake choices and is not paying attention to the two men.

 

He turns back to Bucky, his expression apologetic and eyes seeking kindness and drops his voice so he can implore Bucky to listen, to give him a chance to explain without inviting the attention of the entire supermarket.

 

"Bucky…I never…I always wanted you to be happy. Everything I've ever done; I've done for your happiness."

 

"Thank you for your service! The nation is grateful. Now if you'll please excuse us, Morgan and I must take your leave, Mr. Rogers."

 

"Buck, I'm sorry. Can we please talk, Buck? Please? Just the two of us?" he begs again but Bucky doesn't spare him a glance. He pulls two ice cream containers out of the fridge and turns the cart in the opposite direction.

 

"I don't think so."

 

"Please don't leave. Give me a chance to explain." Steve tries calling from behind but Bucky doesn't stop, just turns his head a little to the side and delivers the words that have the potential to kill Steve.

 

"I guess you're the only one who is allowed to leave, huh? And you had a chance to explain, Steve, you had six years of chances." And he leaves, with Steve's last chance in his hand. Steve looks after him with longing, with explanations and apologies on his tongue, but the brunette doesn't turn back nor does he stop. He walks away and some part of Steve's mind reminds him that that's exactly what he had done six years ago.

 

"Buck…" he tries one last time, but the voice doesn't carry far, just remains a hopeless, pathetic, sad whisper and it lays surrounding an equally hopeless, pathetic, sad man.

 

(*)

 

"Daddy…" Morgan lets go of Steve's hand and runs to her dad who immediately kneels down to her level and places a kiss to her forehead. He takes her tiny bag from her and slings it over his shoulder as he speaks.

 

"There's my little munchkin. Did you have a good day?"

 

"I did.  Mr. Rogers told us about dolphins. Did you know they sleep with one eye open?" she asks with a little head tilt and Steve can see the way Tony's eyes light up at the fact. He looks proud and excited about his daughter's enthusiasm and Steve smiles at the scene before him.

 

"I didn't, baby." He answers with a shake of his head and Morgan immediately jumps at the chance to tell her father all that she learned.

 

"They do! They also don't have eyelids, as we do!" she exclaims with all the energy of a three-year-old and Steve sees Tony chuckle at her enthusiasm and give her another kiss on her cheek.

 

"That's very cool, baby. Will you go with Happy for a minute? Daddy has to talk to Mr. Rogers for a second." Tony looks up at Steve for a second and his smile falls from his face. He glares at Steve for a second before he drops his gaze and Steve swallows dryly at the exchange.

 

"Okay. Can we have a cheeseburger on the way?" Morgan asks sweetly and Steve can see the smile begging to show on Tony's face. The man, however, keeps his composure, barely, and gives his daughter another peck.

 

"Of course, sweetheart, anything for you."

 

"Thank you, daddy. I love you."  She gives him a beaming kiss and Tony strokes her cheeks with a small smile of his own.

 

He laughs to himself and stands up, gives the bag to a man Steve guesses is Happy and watches as Happy and Morgan seat themselves in his car. He sighs softly and turns around to look at Steve, his face relaxed and open and eyes a little misty.

 

"Jesus! I love this kid. Bucky's right, you know, she's got us both wrapped around her little finger." He chuckles to himself but Steve's heart burns in his chest. Bucky's name on Tony's lips, the reminder that they are a family and Tony, wittingly or unwittingly, rubbing that in Steve's face, all make him shake with barely repressed grief and it is with great effort that he manages to make his next words pleasant.

 

"Mr. Stark, what can I do for you?"

 

"You wanted to talk to me yesterday. I've got time now, let's have that talk." Tony claps his hands enthusiastically and sticks his hands in his pocket, his expectant gaze on Steve.

 

Steve stand stock-still as Tony waits, his eyebrows rising steadily upwards as Steve stalled for longer. When he finally opened his mouth to say something, Steve spoke up immediately.

 

"Oh…yeah…uhm…Morgan is a great kid, Mr. Stark, she's gonna do amazing things when she grows up. I just wanted to let you know."

 

"Okay, I already knew this, but I appreciate you telling me, Rogers. I'll take your leave now." He gave Steve a small salute and started walking backwards, his face still scrutinising Steve's face, it seemed. Steve gave him an unsure smile and a small- "Okay," but Tony stopped before he reached the end of the small path leading to the school gates.

 

"You know, Bucky was right. You really don't use your words, Rogers,” he smirked at the end of his sentence and Steve felt as though his heart had lodged itself in his throat. He cleared his throat twice but the uneasiness never went away. 

 

"What?" he croaked and Tony started walking back towards him.

 

"Bucky. You know, Bucky Barnes, the guy you ran away from six years ago? You couldn't have forgotten him already!" Tony spat the words in his face and his face twisted in an unkind scowl.

 

"Mr. Stark, I…" Steve began after swallowing his initial surprise at the fact that Tony knew all this about him, about Bucky, about their shared history.

 

He is shocked, but it shouldn't be a surprise he supposes, partners tell each other about exes, especially the ones who leave you in the middle of the night and you happen to run into after six years.

 

At your kid's school, no less.

 

"Look, Rogers, I have no interest in what you were thinking then and what you're thinking now. My problem is that you're all up in my family's business. This is Morgan's school and I really don't appreciate you trying to talk to Bucky about whatever happened, here or in the supermarket or anywhere that my daughter is present. Whatever happened, happened a long time ago and I frankly don't see the point in talking about it again, and I really despise talking about it in front of Morgan. I don't want my three-year-old daughter asking me why Mr. Rogers always seems unhappy to see Bucky and why Bucky seems upset after meeting you. And speaking of Bucky, I don't think I want you near him either, Rogers. You've put him through enough and I frankly don't think he could stand you breaking his heart all over again." He spoke sternly to Steve and Steve could see the billionaire who always got what he wanted peak through.

 

"Mr. Stark-" he began but Tony interrupted him again.

 

"Stay away, Rogers. For Morgan's sake." And there was no kindness to his tone, no place for ifs and buts. He raised a firm eyebrow at Steve but Steve wasn't going to be deterred.

 

He knew Bucky long before Tony came into the picture, long before Morgan. He did something cruel to Bucky and he needs to apologise to Bucky for it. Fate, destiny, a higher power whoever you want to believe in, gave him a second chance to make amends to Bucky and Steve was not going to let it slip too. He took a deep breath, calmed himself and spoke clearly and without fear of his job or Tony's power.

 

"I don't mean to upset your daughter or you, least of all Bucky. But I need to talk to him. I need to clear the air and tell him why I left. Please, anywhere, just five minutes. Please tell Bucky to give me one chance."

 

"And if he tells you to leave him alone?"

 

"I leave him alone. I promise."

 

And he would. If Bucky tells him to leave him alone after Steve explains his decision, then Steve would do what Bucky asks of him. He wasn't back in Bucky's life to upset him or to take away his newfound happiness, but he wants a chance to explain himself. Not only for himself but for Bucky too. They both need that closure; he's sure of it.

 

"Rogers, I have a lot of money and you should remember that. If you hurt him, I don't care how much it's gonna cost me, but I will make sure you never set foot in America again. Are we clear?" Tony took a step towards him, his pointer finger raised threateningly and even though Steve was almost a foot taller than him, he felt the threat in his bones.

 

"Yes." He nodded shakily and Tony stepped back immediately.

 

"Starbucks around the corner, Saturday morning 9. Don't be late." He started walking back towards his car and Steve called out his thanks to his retreating form.

 

"Thank you, Mr. Stark."

 

Tony turned around mid-stride and glared at the blonde again. "Don't thank me, I'm doing this for him."

 

Steve waved him off enthusiastically and pumped the air in his excitement. This was his chance to finally apologise to Bucky, come clean and hopefully get forgiven. Maybe they would become friends again…

 

(*)

It wasn't surprising that Starbucks was crowded on a Saturday morning. People who normally took their coffees to go were all sprawled out on the tables around the coffee house and it was with great difficulty that Steve had snatched a table for himself and Bucky. It was right next to the door but it sat next to the window and offered some modicum of privacy at least from one direction.

 

He was early and by a lot but it still didn't make his heart beat any less when time kept passing and Bucky was nowhere to be seen. He checks his watch again and again, time seeming to have frozen after the 12th time or so and it is at 9:04 that Bucky enters the coffee shop.

 

Steve almost swallows his tongue at how good Bucky looks. Dressed in black jeans and a light blue t-shirt with a black bomber jacket, Bucky looks like a model straight out of some fashion catalogue. Steve stares at him a moment before he remembers his manners and waves Bucky over.

 

"Buck…you came." He says in a wonderous whisper, his brain still trying to reboot from seeing Bucky there and looking so good. He keeps staring at the brunette as he takes off his jacket and hangs it behind his chair and he's still doing the same when the brunette takes the seat across from him.

 

"Because Tony made a promise and I respect that," Bucky replied after he sat, his eyes not meeting Steve's and his tone making it clear that he wouldn't save Steve if a truck crashed into the window right now.

 

Steve nods at Bucky's statement but he can't help himself the more he looks at Bucky. Bucky does look good. His long hair is gone and the shorter length has been pulled up in the smallest of buns, he's put on more muscle than before and there's a certain maturity around his eyes and his lips. Evidence of the last six years, that Steve wasn't around to see. 

 

"It's so good to see again. You're looking well." He tells the brunette but the brunette glares at him and snaps back, voice soft but tone icy.

 

"Last time I checked you couldn't bear to see me and had to run out in the middle of the night."

 

"Bucky…that's not-" Steve begins to counter but Bucky stops him by raising an arm. The brunette closes his eyes shut and takes a few deep breaths.

 

Steve can't begin to imagine how difficult this must've been for Bucky; can't begin to imagine the pain he must have gone through. Even though he found happiness eventually, Steve knows the first few months had to have been difficult. The mere fact that Bucky is sitting across from, giving him a chance to explain and not punching his living daylights out, are all miracles in itself. 

 

"Cut the bullshit, Steve and tell me why I'm here." He grits out through clenched teeth and the fact that he still won't meet Steve's eye and keep his gaze on the table hurts more than the harsh words do.

 

"I wanted to apologise. I'm so sorry, Buck, I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you, I…didn't think-"

 

"Why did you leave, Steve? What did I ever do, that made you leave in the fucking middle of the night, without a goodbye?" Bucky interrupts and this time he asks that straight to Steve's face, his eyes boring into Steve's. Steve can see the repressed anger in those orbs, years of doubt, fear, and heartbreak and if Steve's heart had already not been broken, that would've done it.

 

He shifts forward in his seat and takes one of Bucky's hands in his own. Bucky wrenches his hand out of Steve's grip and glares at him till he answers.

 

"It wasn't you; it was me-" Steve begins but Bucky starts laughing hysterically, attracting the attention of a few patrons before he drops the act and sits up straight in his chair to scowl at Steve again.

 

"Oh, so we are continuing the bullshit. Weren't you the one who had a podcast about how nobody ever means these words and the one always saying this actually blames the other? At least be upfront about your feelings, Steve, I deserve that much."

 

"You deserve so much more, Buck, more things than I could ever give you," Steve answers in a small voice and he sees the fight drain out of Bucky's face. He loses the anger, the betrayal that flashed there mere seconds ago and his face becomes tired and exhausted.

 

"I'm done, Steve. I can't, I'm sorry." He stands up from the table and moves to get his coat. Steve dreads the minute he leaves and he quickly blurts out the first thing that comes to his mind.

 

"You're wearing the chain I gave you. That has to mean something." He implores and watches as Bucky turns around to give him an icy stare.

 

"And you're wearing the engagement ring, but we all know that it didn't mean shit to you."  He points to Steve's hand, where the engagement ring still sits after six years of separation. Steve's never removed it, not even when his co-workers questioned him about it, and he knows that's because it means something to him. It has been his rock for six years, his pillar of support through the most torturous years of his life.

 

And if Bucky's still wearing that chain, then it means the same to him.

 

"It did, Buck, it still does. It means more to me than anything else in the world and that's why I left. I love you so much, more than you could ever understand and I've never wanted anything more than seeing you happy. Our relationship was always unfair to you and I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't keep you happy and you would be never let me leave."

 

Bucky takes no time to ponder Steve's words like Steve expects him to. He's in his chair in a flash and his face openly displays hurt and betrayal again.

 

It takes everything in Steve to not turn away from the display of such weakness and pain from the man he loved-loves…

 

"Our relationship was unfair to me? What do you even mean, Steve? I've never been happier than I was with you and you took that away when you left. If you wanted to see me happy, you should've stayed!" he pointed an accusing finger at Steve and Steve knows he deserves this outburst, the finger, maybe another one too, so he sits through it. He looks at Bucky as he finishes his rant and sits there, breathing heavily and shakily, and this time when Steve takes his hand, Bucky doesn't push him away.

 

"Our relationship was unfair to you. You like sex, and I couldn't give it to you. When you told me it was okay, I thought you'd be like all other guys, that maybe you'd get bored. But you stuck around, you made it clear that you were happy with me being me and I was glad too because I couldn't bear the thought of losing you. But then we talked about the kids and I realised that was another thing you were sacrificing for me. You seemed so happy when you talked about our kids and I couldn't take that away from you. You deserve to have that, Buck. You deserve to have kids, a partner who wants to sleep with you, and a happy life with no compromises. I couldn't give you that, but I knew you'd never let me see it that way." He explained softly, all the while his hands comforted Bucky, drew random patterns and more apologies on to his skin.

 

Bucky sat still and quiet for a while, his hand still in Steve's before he suddenly snatched them away and turned his head away from Steve.

 

"I wouldn't let you see it that way, because it's stupid. You made my decision for me, Steve. you made the decision that I should find somebody else because I wanted kids. You made the decision to leave me so that I could be happy. You made the decision that I love sex more than you and that you needed to leave because of that. You know what is an unfair relationship? One where one partner doesn't get to make the decisions." His voice rose the more he spoke and by the last sentence, he was almost shouting.

 

Steve hung his head in shame, the weight of his choices and his poorly thought out decision forcing him deeper into his pit of shame and it wasn't until the silence stretched too long between them, that Steve started talking again.

 

"Buck…I'm sorry…"

 

"No, you got your chance to speak, now it's mine. You didn't want to have kids and I told you it was okay. You're ace and I told you it made no difference to me. It was always you that I wanted, loved, Steve but you were so hung up on everything that you couldn't give me, that you forget about the one thing I wanted. I wanted you, I've only ever wanted you but you took that away from you. You ran away, Steve, and I can't forgive you for that. Not now, not for a long time."

 

"Buck, I'm so sorry, I am. I let my insecurities get the better of me. I had no right to make any of those decisions for you and it wasn't right of me to run away instead of talking about us. I'm sorry, I really am. But I see that you're happy now and I won't come in between that. I promise. Morgan is a good kid and I'm sure Tony makes you happy." He looked at Bucky earnestly, his eyes a little misty as he thought about everything he had lost, but Bucky still wouldn't meet his eye.

 

And it gave Steve the time to think about what Bucky had said. Bucky had told Steve that same sentence so many times. Had told Steve how much he loved him, wanted him, needed him again and again. Every morning, every night. With every kiss, with every hug. Bucky had made it so clear to Steve that there was nothing about Steve that would drive Bucky away, that Bucky was there to stay. With every action, every word, every breath, Bucky had tattooed Steve's name on his heart and shown it to Steve.

 

And every time Steve had been too blind to see it. He had not seen Bucky's love, had not heard it or even felt it apparently. All he had seen were his own inadequacies and insecurities.

 

He had always been worried about Bucky running away and ironically it was Steve who had. 

 

"If you wanted to apologise so bad, why did you wait so long? You had six years to apologise to me but you chose to do it only after you saw me. Why?" Bucky questioned after a while, breaking the uncomfortable silence that had settled upon the exes and making Steve jostle out of his unhappy thoughts.

 

"I thought you'd be glad that I left, that you would've been happy with somebody else. I didn't know you were upset, Buck, but then I saw you at the preschool and you acted like you didn't know me and that made me realise-"

 

"If you're not gonna tell the truth, I'd rather you didn't say anything, Steve. I'm not sure how many more lies I can handle." Bucky interrupted again and Steve looked away in shame. This part was always hard to admit but he could do it for Bucky.

 

Bucky deserved so much and the least of it all was the truth.

 

"I…I wasn't sure I could leave if I came back to you. Leaving once was hard enough for me, Buck, it was the hardest thing I had ever done and I wasn't sure I could do it again. Seeing you here, it was like…destiny, fate. I couldn't not apologise to you when fate literally put you in front of me." He confessed and Bucky finally looked back at him, his gaze piercing as it locked on Steve's. Steve wanted to fidget, look away, but he was powerless against that man, had always been.

 

"Why don't you want kids?" Bucky questioned and Steve didn't dare look away as he answered.

 

"My parents were not the happiest people. They fought regularly, screaming matches and closed doors, but never anything physical. My mom spent most of her time between the hospital and me, and it drove my dad crazy. He always felt neglected, like he came second to me when it came to my mom's affection. It had never been like that to him, you know. They were crazy in love before I was born, always attached at the hip, couldn't keep their hands off each other type of couple. But then I was born and it all went to shit. My mom loved me, adored me and she just forgot about my dad."

 

He stopped for second and took a few deep breaths. Talking about his parents was always tough and knowing he had been the cause of all their unhappiness was tougher. He knew Bucky wouldn't push him now, but he wanted to do it. For Bucky, he reminded himself and began again.

 

"When I was old enough to understand that I was the cause of my parents' unhappiness, I decided that I wouldn't let that happen to me. I didn't want my kids to be the cause of any unhappiness between my partner and I. Then you came into my life and Buck, I swear, the thought of you and I ever fighting tore me. I couldn't stand the thought of you neglecting me. Some part of me was selfish about wanting to keep you all to myself but the other part convinced it that it would also save some child the burden of knowing they had caused the rift between their parents. I guess, thinking about it from a distance of six years, it was foolish and selfish."

 

Somewhere in the middle of his confession, Bucky's hand came to rest over his own. He squeezed Bucky's hand, drawing strength from the silent support. He let go of Bucky's hand as he finished but didn't have the heart to move his hand away. 

 

The moment he finished, Bucky cut into him with a fervour, words kind but tone leaving no room for any argument that Steve wasn't the biggest idiot on the planet. "You're foolish, such an idiot if you ever thought I could love anybody as much as I love you. Stevie, when I said the end of the line, I meant it, every single word of it. Nobody can replace you and nobody will replace you. I loved you so much, I don't know how you could ever think I'd neglect you."

 

His outburst has him slumped back in his chair while Steve can't stop the biggest, goofiest smile from his face. Bucky watches him for a second before he gives in to his curiosity and raises an eyebrow in question.

 

"You called me Stevie…" Steve tells him giddily and Bucky snorts in reply, a twin smile spreading over his own face the longer he looks at Steve. The brunette chuckles for a second before he straightens his face, but Steve can still see amusement trying to break through his unaffected façade. 

 

"Old habits, I guess." He answers gruffly and Steve decides to humour him and nods his head in agreement.

 

Silence descends on them again and this time Steve decides to break it for them.

 

"You said nobody would replace me, but that's not true anymore, right? You found your perfect family: Tony and Morgan. I'm not complaining or calling you out, Buck, you deserve all happiness." He tells Bucky earnestly and the brunette just stares at him for a minute before he drops his gaze and smiles softly.

 

Steve doesn't like the way his insides hurt when he realises the smile is for Tony.

 

"I'm glad you think that, but Tony and I are not dating. I met Tony around five years back at the Stark Expo, when I presented a new age prosthetic for vets. Do you remember the one I was working on?"  at Steve's nod he continues.

 

"Anyway, he liked the prototype and offered to help build it and start production. We then became fast friends and now Tony's like a brother to me. And I must warn you, he hates you." He adds with a smile and Steve's too happy with the knowledge that Bucky's not Tony's boyfriend to say anything to that.

 

"Yeah, I got that when he spoke to me a few days back." He admits with a laugh and Bucky chuckles softly at that.

 

"He means well. Anyway, Tony's wife Pepper is out of town at a conference and Tony was worried that he was gonna set fire to the house, so he bribed me with unlimited access to the lab  and in exchange  I had to cook all of Morgan's favourite recipes, hang around with them and just make sure he didn't spoil her too much."

 

"Did it work?"

 

"Nope, the plan backfired spectacularly because now she has two men running around doing her bidding, unlimited supply of juice boxes and cakes and a robot puppy. And I'm pretty sure if she asked either of us to eat our arm, we would too." He admits with a full belly laugh and Steve can't help but smile at the handsome brunette.

 

Happy is a good look on Bucky and Steve is so glad he's wearing it so often these days.

 

"I wasn't off about the happy thing though." He says quietly and Bucky must see something on his face because his smile softens and becomes melancholy.

 

"No, you weren't. Are you happy? Have you found your true calling teaching little kids?" he asks and Steve shrugs.

 

"I'm actually very content teaching little kids and I may have actually found my true calling. But I don't know if I'm happy, Buck. Something's missing."

 

"Maybe you left it in DC when you ran away." Bucky looks away as he says that and Steve watches him with hopeful eyes. He keeps his eyes trained on Bucky's face, waits for regret or shame to flash on that beautiful face but it doesn't come.

 

Steve almost whoops in elation.

 

"But maybe I'll find it again in New York, sitting across me in a coffee shop?" he asks hopefully, fully expecting a positive answer to his question. He moves forward in his seat and skims the back of his hand across Bucky's but Bucky moves his hand away and Steve can't stop the disappointed noise that he makes.

 

"I don't know if I can do it again, Steve. You broke my heart and gave me trust issues I don't know I can recover from. Frankly speaking, I don't know if I can trust you anymore. This is a bad idea because every night I'll go to sleep wondering if you'll be there when I wake up and I can't go through that. I'm sorry."

 

"I understand, but what if we don't pick up from where we left off? What if we start afresh? Take the ring and give me the chain. You can give me back the ring when you trust me again." He adds quickly, his heart thudding loudly in his chest.

 

He had not come for this, but he wasn't ready to walk away from Bucky for the second time. He wants Bucky, needs him and still, after all these years, loves him. Fate gave him another chance to do this relationship right and Steve's not ready to throw it away. He pleads with his eyes and begs with his mouth.

 

"Steve, I don't know-"

 

"Buck, I promise you I'm not going to do anything to hurt you. I know I can't apologise enough to you about last time, but please let me at least try and show you how much I mean my apology. I love you, I never stopped and I really hope we can start again. Please." He begs again and he sees Bucky's resolve crumble in front of his eyes. The brunette looks Steve in the eye as he speaks and Steve knows he better pay attention this time and not mess it up.

 

"We are gonna start as friends and we'll go at my pace. And if you break my heart again, Steve, I swear to God…"

 

"Don't worry Tony already threatened me well. I'm not even gonna think of breaking your heart." Steve tells him with a gummy smile and twinkling eyes and he sees Bucky return the expression without hesitation. He fights the urge to throw himself at Bucky and kiss away all heartbreak and loneliness that he caused, but he restrains himself and keeps seated.

 

Bucky said friends and Steve can do that. He will. Because Bucky is important to him and a second chance with somebody as great as Bucky is a miracle and he isn't going to be the idiot who disregards a miracle.

 

"I'm so happy to see you again, Stevie. I missed you so much." Bucky tells him softly and Steve tears up even before he notices the tears in Bucky's eyes. He skims the back of Bucky's hand again but doesn't let his touch linger.

 

"I missed you too, Buck. I love you."

 

Bucky doesn't say it back but Steve's okay with that. He can wait, he'll wait a hundred years for Bucky. He smiles at the brunette and listens to him as he goes on to tell Steve the story of how he met Tony and got him to produce his prosthetic idea. Though they're starting afresh, Steve can't help but feel that it feels just like the good all days.

 

The silences between them are comfortable, the coffee warm and that little void in both their hearts that they've been carrying around for six years? It has no place in them anymore…

 

(*)

**_4 years later_ **

Steve smiles as he welcomes the new kids for the year and can't help but smile when he sees the little kids walk in holding their parents' hands and look around in wonder. Steve's spent so many years here, he witnesses this every year, but it still makes him smile every time. Call him a sap if you will, but seeing the joy on a child's face is priceless.

 

As the kids sit down and their parents take up a place at the back wall of the class, Steve stands in front of the class and gives the kids a huge smile.

 

"Good morning, I'm your teacher Mr. Steve Rogers Barnes and you can call me Mr. Barnes."

 


End file.
